Why I Miss The Sleepless Nights

Every once in a great while I still here that cry in the night and make my way down the hall to sooth a sweet baby.
(FYI… I will call them babies as long as I want, it doesn’t matter that they are 4 and nearly 3, they are my babies and always will be. So there.)
However, it is rarity these days to be woken and needed but when this happened last week I realized something so precious about this time with my little ones.

It is a sacred time I get to spend with my babes. When I was in the throws of it and literally bouncing back and forth, like a ping pong ball, between the doors in the hall I could barely see the beauty.

But oh how I tried.

I tried to cherish the snuggles.
I tried to cherish the bonding.
It was so hard and I could barely keep my eyes open since it had been night after night for months of ping ponging.

But when my sweet girl needed me last week it was different. I wasn’t totally and completely exhausted. I wasn’t begging God to help her fall back to sleep. (Don’t act like you haven’t pleaded for some intervention from the Creator of the universe in the dead of night.) Instead, I was fully present with her. I snuggled her until she fell back to sleep in my arms. I noticed her breathing, smelled her hair and rubbed her back.

However, something else happened that night.
I found myself in deep thought and communication with God.
This was place I hadn’t been in a long while.

That night I realized during that awful “up all night, every night” season I was in deeper conversation my Maker than I had ever been before. I was desperate for Him, for His help, and His comfort. The middle of the night conversation flowed so freely from gratitude, fears, concerns, hopes and dreams.

Last week I found myself wondering when was the last time I was this in sync with God? When was the last time I poured it all out? When was the last time “we” caught up?

This time I spent with my girl nuzzled into my chest was eye opening. I want that intimate relationship back. Let me be clear… I do NOT want to go back to the “up all nights” but I am determined to be more intentional about connecting with my God.

I have mentioned before that I try to get up before the kids each morning and have my quiet time. I try to read, pray and sip coffee as quietly as possible in preparation for the day ahead. But guys, if I’m being honest… I have gotten pretty lazy with my mornings. Sometimes I get sucked into the Facebook/Instagram/Pinterest vortex, sometimes I just want to sleep a little more, sometimes there is an invader (Rosie is the worst of the bunch), and sometimes I just don’t feel like it.

Whatever the reason or excuse for my lack of focus… in MaryGrace’s dark room and in that still silence, I felt God calling me back.

I felt Him gently remind me of His presence.
I felt Him call me toward Him.

I want to do better.
I want to be more intimate with my God.
I want that tender relationship back.
I am a better wife, mom, daughter, sister, and friend when I keep this cart on the rails.

Although that sleepless season was so very painful, I am happy to realize it was also life-giving and a time of growth. It can be hard to see the light in the darkness but I am grateful for that trying time, I am grateful for the snuggles and intimate moments, and I am so very grateful for the gentle reminder last week.

My questions for you/us today are;
How is your relationship with God?
Do you have a quiet/intimate time that you meet with God?
Do you have any tips or suggestions for us who are tired and easily distracted?

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One thought on “Why I Miss The Sleepless Nights

  1. Just beautiful…
    God is there with us in every season. Whether it’s the sleepless nights, heartache, loss, pain, and also those moments we feel so close to Him like we can reach out and touch His presence. God reminded you of a closeness He craves back from you! How precious! Just like we crave those special moments from our babes…He longs for those precious moments with us. How in love He is with us! Thank you for the sweet reminder to look for those moments with our Savior, wherever and whenever!