First, a quick disclaimer… Some of you don’t like to share your past, your story, or even yourselves… I am not talking to you today. (Sorry, not sorry. But feel free to read anyway!)
For the sharers of the audience… (myself included) Why are more apt to share where we have been months ago, years ago, or decades ago versus where we are now?
I find it easier to share the struggles of my past than the struggles of my present. It’s like I don’t mind showing you the skeleton as long as I know it’s fully dead. If there is remaining flesh on that sucker… it stays tucked away in the closet
where it belongs. (does that make them zombies?)
Sometimes when I am sharing something about my past it feels like I am talking about someone else. A different person. A different life and definitely someone else’s mess.
My question of you today is… Why don’t we share more openly about our current struggles?
I think for me… it’s a fear of judgment. [Uh, that was a hard one to write for fear of judgment) and I will be surprised/proud of myself if I don’t delete it.]
Do you feel like you have to pretend like you have it all together in the present just so that you can share your past mistakes?
If yes… then why don’t we fear the judgment for our past? As if it’s safe to share about the mess since we have we “arrived?”
Do we like to pretend to have arrived?
Let’s talk real talk…
Here are some of experiences/messes I share from my past:
And here are my current skeletons that may still be sucking wind in the closet (ie…zombies):
Do I like looking at either of those lists? NO
And you can darn well guess that I am not proud of any of the bones clanging around on the list.
But I tend to look at my past in an effort to give it purpose: Turning my Pain into my Purpose
My Misery into My Ministry
My Mess into My message
(And don’t get me wrong… those are absolutely some of my favorite phrases.)
But what about the pain and mess I’m in right now? I even had a hard time writing down some of the current struggles I am in due to shame. And I know there are several others that I could have put down but didn’t because of pride. Hmmmm, pride, seems like we have another zombie to add to the list.
But those are too sensitive to talk about.
Those make me look bad.
I am not ready to talk with someone who is also looking into a perfect set of big blue eyes knowing that their baby is broken and tell them that it will all be ok. It’s still hard. It still hurts and I don’t have it figured out so I keep that one tucked away.
We like to act like we have it all figured out.
I am absolutely guilty of it.
As much as I try to keep it real I struggle with not trying to sugar coat or spin things in my favor.
So let’s turn our Present into a Present. (Kinda cheesy, I know. I was just trying to match all the other cute sayings.)
Let’s gift it to ourselves and those fellow sojourners that are rubbing shoulders with us in the trenches.
We don’t have to have it all figured out and we don’t have to act like we have arrived. Use your story… the past and the present. Much like I learned with the epilepsy post… there are so many others that are journeying your same path.
We can only love and be loved to the extent of which we are known.