The Skeletons and Zombies in My Closet

First, a quick disclaimer… Some of you don’t like to share your past, your story, or even yourselves… I am not talking to you today. (Sorry, not sorry. But feel free to read anyway!)

For the sharers of the audience… (myself included) Why are more apt to share where we have been months ago, years ago, or decades ago versus where we are now?

I find it easier to share the struggles of my past than the struggles of my present. It’s like I don’t mind showing you the skeleton as long as I know it’s fully dead. If there is remaining flesh on that sucker… it stays tucked away in the closet where it belongs. (does that make them zombies?)

Skeletons-in-Closet-Preventing-Landing-Job_0 Sometimes when I am sharing something about my past it feels like I am talking about someone else. A different person. A different life and definitely someone else’s mess.

My question of you today is… Why don’t we share more openly about our current struggles?

I think for me… it’s a fear of judgment. [Uh, that was a hard one to write for fear of judgment) and I will be surprised/proud of myself if I don’t delete it.]

Do you feel like you have to pretend like you have it all together in the present just so that you can share your past mistakes?

If yes… then why don’t we fear the judgment for our past? As if it’s safe to share about the mess since we have we “arrived?”

Do we like to pretend to have arrived?

Let’s talk real talk…
Here are some of experiences/messes I share from my past:

teenage pregnancy
people pleaser

And here are my current skeletons that may still be sucking wind in the closet (ie…zombies):

self worth

Do I like looking at either of those lists? NO

And you can darn well guess that I am not proud of any of the bones clanging around on the list.

But I tend to look at my past in an effort to give it purpose: Turning my Pain into my Purpose
My Misery into My Ministry
My Mess into My message
(And don’t get me wrong… those are absolutely some of my favorite phrases.)

But what about the pain and mess I’m in right now? I even had a hard time writing down some of the current struggles I am in due to shame. And I know there are several others that I could have put down but didn’t because of pride. Hmmmm, pride, seems like we have another zombie to add to the list.

But those are too sensitive to talk about.
Those make me look bad.

I am not ready to talk with someone who is also looking into a perfect set of big blue eyes knowing that their baby is broken and tell them that it will all be ok. It’s still hard. It still hurts and I don’t have it figured out so I keep that one tucked away.

unnamed I am also not ready to have a conversation about the guilt I feel when I raise my voice at my kids. Nope… that one makes me look like I don’t have self-control. (Hmmm… control, another zombie.)

We like to act like we have it all figured out.

I am absolutely guilty of it.

As much as I try to keep it real I struggle with not trying to sugar coat or spin things in my favor.

So let’s turn our Present into a Present. (Kinda cheesy, I know. I was just trying to match all the other cute sayings.)

Let’s gift it to ourselves and those fellow sojourners that are rubbing shoulders with us in the trenches.

We don’t have to have it all figured out and we don’t have to act like we have arrived. Use your story… the past and the present. Much like I learned with the epilepsy post… there are so many others that are journeying your same path.

We can only love and be loved to the extent of which we are known.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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5 thoughts on “The Skeletons and Zombies in My Closet

  1. Thank you for your message. I pray each day that the medication is working for Mary Grace. Just remember God has her in his hand and has trusted you and Shane with her. Love you and Prayers
    Aunt Shirley

  2. Well said and hard to do but as you get older you realize everything that has come before has made you what you are today and that, in the eyes God and those who love you and your family, is a beautiful, loving, compassionate woman who is working her journey to the best of her ability at each and every moment. We are exactly where we should be in His eyes if not our own. Love to you & the fam.

  3. I totally agree with you that we often don’t confess until after we think we have it under control. However, sometimes our struggles aren’t just ours, but belong to our mates, our children, etc. So, if we say, “I’m struggling with marriage, children’s problems, etc.” we have told someone else’s secrets. That being said, our honesty almost always benefits someone else. Keep on writing the truth!

  4. Great thought prevoking post! How enlightening it would be for us to reflect on the zombies in our closet, and then talk about them with a trusted friend. How reassuring it would be to know that we are not alone with our zombies! I hate zombie movies! I certainly don’t want them lingering in my closet! One thing I’ve learned in the last few years in therapy sessions is to always continue to work on yourself…acknowledge the struggle, own it, deal with it, love yourself and move foward!