Who am I?
Who was I?
How the heck did I get here?
There some are mornings when I could lie in my bed, stare at the ceiling, and ask myself those questions.
Ok, if I am being honest… I could ask myself those questions every single day.
Motherhood sprang upon me so quickly and so early in life… that I sometimes have a hard time trying to figure out who I am. (let alone who I was)
There are so many articles out there written to moms about finding the old you. What are the things you enjoyed doing before you dedicated your life to parenthood? What interests and hobbies did you enjoy?
Uhhhhh, well I really enjoyed making the ASB posters, planning prom, and focusing all my attention on my selfish self.
Flash forward 10 years and here I am.
A mother of 4.
Good golly! How did I get here?
Sometimes it feels like a crazy movie… one where I was in a terrible accident which caused amnesia and wake up to a life I don’t recognize. (or would that be more of a soap opera? Not sure, but you get the point.)
It’s madness, pure madness and I don’t have any answers for you whatsoever.
In a given day, I wear so many hats and truth be told… It’s bald under there.
I am at a loss.
I have developed my identity in those titles for so long that without them I am not really sure who I am.
I have decided that the best part of being bald under those hats and having mom-nesia is that I have the opportunity to define myself, who I am, and who I want to be. I get to start with a blank slate and attempt to create a masterpiece.
Don’t get me wrong… I love being a wife, momma, and all those other things… the part that terrifies me is trying to figure to figure out who I am without a hat on.
It’s not that being a wife/mom is not enough… it’s that, for me, I feel a tug.
In response to that tug… I am starting right here with this little blog.
God pricked my heart for it and for the people that might take their precious time to read. So now, I guess you can add a blogger hat to the collection.
This concept of Mom-nesia scared me for a while, I felt like I had lost me. But instead of whining about the Mom-nesia I clearly suffer from, I am going to make it great.
I envision lots of glitter and sparkle on this masterpiece.
Let’s be real, if God’s up to something is gonna be fancy.
What hats are you wearing?
What hats did you wear before parenthood/diapers/carpools?
If you were really honest with yourself… What hat do you dream of wearing?
Have you tried to find a way to make that hat fit?
I feel like someone needs to hear this, right now…. It’s ok to want to be something in addition to motherhood and wifehood. You don’t need to feel guilty. If you feel a tug on your heart… listen, pray, and maybe try on a new hat?