Motherhood can be so gosh darn lonely, can’t it?
The funny thing is… you are NEVER alone.
You don’t eat alone.
You don’t shop alone.
You don’t pee alone.
Someone is ALWAYS there!
But in certain circumstances, stages, and seasons… this can be a very lonely gig.
When we first moved to Colorado 2 years ago I was painfully lonely.
Literally so lonely that it inflicted pain. I remember praying to God for relationship and friends.
We moved in to our house on October 25th and then winter hit and did I mention that we had a baby one month after we moved in? CHAOS!
LONELY CHAOS, that is.
So the dark glum months of winter were upon me, with a sweet new baby girl and a house (that didn’t feel like my own) full of boys!
I quickly discovered Coloradans are all over the place when the weather is accommodating… but once the weather turns they are nowhere to be found!
(It’s like the mountains silently summon them for hiking things, shoeing things, skiing things, and boarding things.)
I was lonely, depressed, hormonal, and fearful.
I did my best to put myself out there.
I tried to make friends. But gosh, it is hard work!
I enrolled in MOPs, got a gym membership, Zoo membership, Children’s Museum membership, Nature and Science Museum membership, and joined the local parent group in my neighborhood.
When I say it is hardwork… can you, for just a second, think about how many layers people need in -7 degrees and then multiply that times 5, add 3 carseats, and 2 in diapers!!
I was desperate and God is good.
It took about 18 months to truly feel settled, plugged in, and like I belong.
During that trying season I spent some intense time with the Lord. (read… ugly cry)
I just came across an old journal and whew! I was a hot mess.
My marriage was a mess, my kids were a mess, I was a mess, and all the while we were trying to put our best face forward and get plugged in.
No wonder we were lonely… we were faking it!
All that to say… I know several of you have recently moved, had babies, became stay home moms, etc. I know how lonely it can be. I know the feeling of desperately trying to engage with a human who speaks in sentences as opposed to grunts.
I want you to know…
you can do this
it won’t feel like this forever
God works all things together for His good
Fast forward to today and here are some of the things that were birthed (I say birthed because it was literally that painful) out of that season…
a deeper more trusting relationship with the Lord
a deeper and healthier marriage
an irreplaceable bestie
amazing medical care options for unforeseen needs
and this little blog
The “alone” time nearly pushed me to my breaking point but I want you to know that you are not alone.
You are not the only one who feels alone, frustrated, unworthy, or like a hot mess.
I am here.
I get it and I wish we could talk about it over a hot beverage while sitting in my living room and letting the curtain climbers run amuck…
For now… I encourage you to be bold, put yourself out there, be real, and find your safe place in the Lord.
He has got your back and I am here cheering you on!
Here are some ways to connect with me and my peeps via the old WWW…
Let’s make this a safe place to land. Invite your friends, share the post and page… Let’s band together and hold one another up. There truly is strength in numbers.
Also, I know your email box is sacred and you have worked ever so diligently to protect it like a mother bird protecting her young… but I really think you should leave your email address in the subscribe bar.
I cross my heart I won’t abuse being including in your circle of trust… I won’t spam you, I won’t sell your information, I just don’t want you to miss a thing!
This post was part of a link up called Five Minute Friday. It is an opportunity to join Kate Moutaung and other fellow #fmfparty bloggers to purely blog for five minutes based on a prompt or word of the day.