I know God called me to write this blog, share my story, and keep it real.
But here is the problem… I have only had so many experiences and can only reach so many people with them. However, I am surrounded by moms/women that have such beautiful stories.
I want to use this space to bless more women with the bravely shared stories of others.
There is something so beautiful in knowing that you are not alone.
Today I am sharing this space with a sweet lady that also used to live in Tehachapi. Our lives intertwined a few times as lives often do in a small town, we were never close but I was often watching and admiring… This lady knows pain, grief, and heart ache… but she has walked through the thing with beauty, strength, and dignity.
(Grab yourself some tissues… I knew what was coming and it still made me cry.)
In early January of 2009 I heard the words no mother ever wishes to hear,
“your son only has hours to live”.
Without going in to the horrid details of what led up to that day, I will tell you that on that day my 19 year old step son, who was by all accounts MY son, was diagnosed with a rare form of Idiopathic Cardiomyopathy, a virus that attacks the heart and only attacks about 2% of the human population.
Without a heart transplant he would die, and soon.
We waited on the top of the transplant list for almost 60 days.
On March 6th, 2009 his team of doctors came to us and told us that there was nothing more they could do for him, and that a heart was not coming, it was time to make arrangements for his passing.
I could not and would not accept that, you never know how strong your faith is until it is truly tested. And on that day it was truly tested, those doctors did not know what my God knew, and if my God was truly ready to take my son home then yes there was nothing we could do about it, but that did not mean I wasn’t going to stop praying for a miracle.
Early in the morning on March 11th, 2009 we received the call that a heart had come in.
God chose to save our son, chose to give him another chance at life.
He was transplanted on March 11th at 12:07pm and lived for 9 months before God decided to take him home on December 26th, 2009.
[This was taken at the Wounded Warrior ceremony in DC 2 weeks before he died, December 2009]
Saying goodbye to him the day he died was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I did it knowing that the Lord blessed us with 9 more months for reasons that we still do not know, and may never know until we meet with him again.
Grieving the loss of a child is something no parent should ever have to do, each parent does this differently and sadly my husband could not cope with the loss of our son.
In 2013 he chose to not only walk away from me and our other two children, but the Lord as well.
It was a deeply sad day for all of us, and a decision that I have struggled with accepting for many months since then.
Once again, placing my faith in the Lord and knowing that he knows all things is the only thing that has truly gotten me through.
One of the hardest things for me to accept these past 6 years was knowing that the Lord saw all of these things before they happened.
Knowing that he knew my son was going to die and that my husband was going to abandon not only me but our other two children during a time when we needed him the most was a hard reality for me to accept.
The story of Lazarus runs through my mind often, not the whole story, but the part where the bible tells us that “Jesus Wept”. This verse reminds me that when Jesus knew that my son was going to die, he wept with me, when he knew that my best friend and my rock would walk away and not look back he wept with me, and most importantly the days and nights as a single mom when I just don’t think I can do it any longer, he weeps with me.
Because he loves me, he doesn’t want to see me in pain, but he knows more than I do. He knows that this pain is going to have great rewards at the end, some days I see a glimmer of that, when I see how amazing my kids are doing, or how much he blesses us on a daily basis.
He weeps with me, he holds me firmly in his arms when I feel as if I can’t go on any longer.
And most importantly I am reminded each day that only Jesus “knows the plans in store for me, plans to prosper me and not harm me, and plans to give me hope and a future.” Jer 29:11
Thanks for joining me for (MOM)entous Monday. If you have a story you would like to share… Contact me!
Let’s bless people with the story of our lives… it turns all that pain into purpose.
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