I know God called me to write this blog, share my story, and keep it real.
But here is the problem… I have only had so many experiences and can only reach so many people with them. However, I am surrounded by moms/women that have such beautiful stories.
I want to use this space to bless more women with the bravely shared stories of others.
There is something so beautiful in knowing that you are not alone.
Today I will be sharing this space with my cousin’s wife, Allyson.
Ally lives in Huntington Beach, California with her husband Jason and daughter Brooklyn.
Her story is painful but I know she is not alone.
Statistics show that 1 in 4 women have a miscarriage. Society seems to have made the topic a bit taboo with the “don’t tell anyone you are pregnant until 12 weeks, in case something happens” rule. If something does happen then why is it meant to be a secret? Why are we supposed to suffer in silence?
I admire her bravery in sharing this struggle with all of you.
Thank you, Ally.
God was never an important part of my life.
My parents never placed any importance on religion, and left it up to me to decide.
It’s as if I knew God was there, but I never let Him in my heart.
Maybe it was out of fear or maybe it was out of love, or rather the lack of love I had for myself…
It wasn’t until I met my husband that I began to understand how God’s love can truly transform someone’s life.
But no matter how strong your relationship with God is, there will still be struggles.
My biggest struggle with God has been my experience with multiple miscarriages.
My husband, Jason, and I married in October 2010 and immediately began trying to start our family.
Much to my surprise, I became pregnant very quickly. My husband and I were overjoyed.
However, something in the back of my mind told me something wasn’t quite right. I knew women sometimes bled through their pregnancies, but mine seemed a bit excessive.
After a doctor visit confirmed that I had miscarried, I was left feeling incredibly hurt and angry.
God knew how much I wanted children, and He took this one from me.
I needed someone to blame, and God was an easy out.
Once I came to terms with my loss, I turned to God and prayed. I asked him to give me answers. I felt it almost instantly: try again. After I recovered from my surgery, my husband and I began trying again, and 6 months later I was pregnant.
I cannot begin to describe the anxiety I felt after I took that test. My husband and I were elated, however, cautiously.
Each appointment I went to brought good news, and by my 16th week, we announced our pregnancy to everyone.
On May 19th, 2012, our daughter Brooklyn was born.
Several years later, my husband and I began discussing expanding our family. Again, we became pregnant very quickly.
Then the bleeding started, again. My doctor kept assuring me everything looked good, but I had the same gut feeling I did with my first pregnancy that ended in miscarriage; something wasn’t right. My miscarriage was confirmed while sitting in the cold emergency room hooked up to IVs and a morphine drip.
It would have been easy to get angry at God again, but I didn’t.
I know He has a plan, however difficult it may be to understand in this earthly world.
My husband and I discussed it, and decided to try again.
When we decided to try again, I knew my husband wasn’t entirely sure. It took some convincing, but Jason also wanted to expand our family, so we decided to try.
I became pregnant six months after my second miscarriage. I knew I was pregnant before I even took the test. We were again, overjoyed but scared.
At my first doctor’s appointment, the ultrasound tech was too quiet. That prickling feeling of anxiety began creeping in and I asked if she saw anything. She said she did, but the baby was measuring a week and a half behind where I should be and the heart rate was slow.
Over the next two weeks, I waited for good news, but with each doctor appointment, the news got worse and worse, until my third miscarriage was diagnosed.
In that instant, I began praying.
Instead of turning away from God, I prayed.
Not for answers this time, just for peace.
So, here we are again.
We’re kind of in limbo.
Do we try again and risk a fourth miscarriage?
My heart is telling me yes, but my head is telling me to be cautious.
We will make some decisions after an extensive blood test.
The only thing I know for sure right now is that I have a supportive husband who would give anything to see me happy.
I have a daughter who brings me more joy than I ever thought possible.
And, I know that God has a plan.
I may not always understand it, but I know He is at work in my life.
Thanks for joining me for (MOM)entous Monday.
Please share Allyson’s story… Please let others know they don’t have to suffer in silence.
Also, if you have a story you would like to share… Contact me!
Let’s bless people with the story of our lives… it turns all that pain into purpose.
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