If You Give A Mom A Moment

If you give a mom a moment,
she is probably going to want to take a shower.
(dry shampoo only goes so far)

If she takes a shower,
she will want to wash her hair.

When she grabs the shampoo,
she will notice the razor.

When she finishes sudsing,
she will have to condition.

As she reaches for the conditioner,
she will again be taunted by the razor.

When she is finished with her hair,
she will surrender to the razor.

Upon examining the razor,
she will realize it is disgusting and needs replaced.

Then she will delicately slip out of the shower
and head for the bathroom drawer.

As she prances across the room and peers into the mirror,
she will notice that she has missed the gym, a lot.

She retrieves the razor from the drawer only to notice that her prescription is almost out,
so she makes a quick note on her phone.

As she jiggles her way back across the bathroom she makes a mental note…
time to get back to the gym and probably have a salad for lunch.

As she gets back in the shower,
she notices the water is cooler.

She cranks the dial all the way to hot
and shaves what she can before the water runs completely cold.

Upon getting dressed, her lack of shaved calf reminds her that her jeans are in the dryer.

As she frolics down the stairs (void of pants) the jiggle brought the salad to mind once again…

She shimmies into the jeans and heads to the kitchen,
when she gets to the kitchen she sees that she has not done the dishes yet today (or maybe for a few days).

She starts to the load the dishwasher and the hears the baby cry.

As she bounces up the stairs to get the baby,
she is once again reminded of the salad.

She enters in the babies room
and of course the sweet darling has a stink bomb ready and waiting.

 

 

After diapering, she carries the baby down the stairs for lunch,
that’s when she notices the laundry spewing from the hamper.

She puts the baby in the highchair with a pile of Cheerios and heads for Mt Laundry.

As she loads the washing machine she finds… a paper clip, an action figure, a handful of rocks, a soccer cleat, 2 hot wheels, a highlighter, a name tag, a spring, 3 sticks, 2 marbles, a twist tie and some loose change.

When she finds all these things she is reminded of the super mom from Pinterest that made a lamp out of all her laundry treasures and resents the fact that she can’t seem to even get pictures printed, let alone make accent pieces for future dorm rooms.

As she starts the load,
she realizes she is running low on detergent.

Since she is actually showered and the baby is freshly diapered, they head to Tar-Jhay.

As she strolls every. single. aisle with her blazing hot skinny vanilla latte (it’s kinda like salad),
she notices the shoes are on sale.

After trying on 27 pairs of overpriced and poorly made shoes she decides to check out.

As she waits in the check out line she remembers she needed laundry detergent,
so back into the vortex she goes.

Upon finding the laundry detergent
she also finds 5 other all natural, beautifully labeled cleaning products that she must have.

With a full cart she makes her way to the cashier.

As she loads her car with the cheap shoes and expensive cleaners,
she notices the amount of filth and grime.

Upon noticing the amount of filth and grime, she considers the car wash…
And quickly regains her senses (credit goes to the SVL)
Who is she kidding? What’s the point? It will be nasty again in 2 hours when the kids shove granola bars in their face on the way to practice.

So she leaves the car just as it is.
Just as it should be.

After unloading the Target haul,
she puts the baby down for a nap.

Again she has to pass Mt. Laundry,
and again, she attempts to climb that mountain.

Then she heads back to the kitchen where it appears that the dishes are still waiting, cheerios are sprinkled about like confetti, and Target threw up.

But first, she just needs a moment.

And if you give a mom a moment,
She will somehow end up more exhausted than she was to start with.

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(Based on the book If you give a mouse a cookie by Laura Numeroff)

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