I Think I’m Drowning

grace is the life preserver and condemnation is the weight

Piles of dirty dishes.
Drowning in crusty smelly food covered kitchen.

Laundry multiplying over night.
Drowning in dirty clothes, clean clothes, clothes that need hung up, clothes that need folded, clothes that are too small and of course there is the clean, single, looking for mate sock basket.

Leftover treats tempting me.
Drowning in refined sugars, simple carbohydrates, and empty calories.

Christmas decorations mocking me.
Drowning in pine needles, ribbon, and craft supplies from dead glittering Christmas dreams. I really thought I was doing alright with this one… over the weekend I pulled most of it down, except the tree, and piled it on the dining room table… and there it stayed all week. ugh

Stuffy nose and a sore throat.
Drowning in snot and headaches.

Potty training fails everywhere.
Drowning in soaked pants, soaked sheets, poop here and poop there, drowning in the fumes of urine coming from somewhere!?!

Terrible Twos.
Drowning in tantrums and screams.

Terrible Threes.
Drowning in see the above.

Tween tude.
Drowning in seeing the above.

Last weekend Shane and I went on a date. During that date we took the time to fill out our dream guides for 2016.
It was beautiful.
Perfect, really.

We watched the Broncos win, had a drink and appetizer all the while dreaming with one another.


Then you know what happen?

Shane went back to work after being off for over two weeks.

What’s the catch you ask?

The kids didn’t go back after being off for over two weeks!

They were still there, bored, and trapped indoors.

There we were on Sunday reflecting on 2015 and dreaming of how to improve in 2016 and BAM Monday hit me like a pillowcase filled with bars of soap.

All those dreams of improvement slapped me right in the face first thing Monday morning.

I was not eating healthier, mothering more patiently, and I definitely did not have any brain capacity for bloggy things.

Did I mention that we are also doing a dry January?
(maybe a dry February would have been a better choice. Oy!)

Needless to say… by Thursday night I felt like a failure.
I tore the dream guide down from the walls where I had taped it and tucked it away in a drawer where it could not haunt me encourage me everyday.

My dreams, goals, and aspirations for 2016 are still the same but I forgot to include one tiny detail.


I forgot that it is hard on the kids/hubby to back to school/work after Christmas break. It’s really only one baby step up from the beginning of the school year as far as exhaustion, emotions, and stress is concerned.
Grace for the children and all their children-ness and also for the hubby and all his hubby-ness.

I forgot that trying to eat healthier with any sort of holiday seasonal-type leftovers in the pantry, fridge, and freezer is a sick joke! I can’t let all those delicious caramels and cookies from our sweet family and friends go to waste.
Grace for getting back to eating normal.

I also forgot that we had been staying up late and sleeping in. Therefore my precious morning quiet time was almost null, bedtime was disastrous, and getting us all back in the routine is well, painful.
Grace for sleep schedules.

Do you see where I am going here?
In case you missed it… Grace.
GRACE is where I am going with all this.

Grace is the life preserver that helps you bring your head above water and breathe the fresh air.
Condemnation is the weight tied to your ankles and pulling you to the bottom.
The choice is up to you.

These are all things I knew already. 

After all, this is my 3rd “back to school from winter break” with all 4 kids and I still found myself on the struggle bus.

I should also mention that this feeling of drowning is not specific to goals/dream/resolutions… unfortunately, this is not the first time I felt as though I was going under, it was just the most recent.

But ahhhhh Grace. Grace is so good, so freeing, and so very healthy. I am so grateful for a God who demonstrates the act of giving grace.

It is so much easier for me to have grace on my kids, husband and friends than it is for me to give it to myself.bride drowning

Maybe it was the perfectionist in me or maybe it was the overachiever… now that I think about it, maybe they were both working together, forcing me to take on water, jerks.

Whatever it was, it was not pretty.

I am assuming I am not the only one who has done this or felt this.
I think you have too
and unfortunately I think we will both probably do it again.

If/when we do, let’s remember to give ourselves some grace.

Goals, dreams, and resolutions can all be great things… just don’t forget the grace.

We are moms, everything we do, every goal we set, every dream we have is exponentially affected by the other humans your share an address with.
We can only strive do to our very best in all we do and sometimes we just need to press the reset button.

Well now that you have heard about my hot mess…
How are your goals/dreams/resolutions going?
Did you make any?
Have you ever felt like you were drowning?

I would love to hear from your guys on this one! Let’s chat!






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5 thoughts on “I Think I’m Drowning

  1. You just put into words exactly how I’m feeling about the new year already! I had such high hopes for being extremely organized, on top of my laundry game and eating better…I’m still waiting to practice those things. Lol. Thankful for grace indeed.

  2. Awwwww! I’m taking a sigh of relief that someone else feels the same way! I somehow forgot my Savior’s grace too…on myself. Breathe in His grace…breathe out condemnation. Thank you for the sweet reminder. 🙂

  3. So thankful for His grace and for how He is teaching me to give Him all my mess. 🙂 And I’ve learned that grace not only covers my mess, it also empowers me to grow and change. And that is good news! Blessings, Tasha