FaKebook at the Pool

It's all fun and games until someone goes poo

I have a hang up with the perfection that is often displayed on Facebook. Sometimes it makes my skin crawl a little bit.

These lovely posts make me wonder about the story behind them.  You know, the version of the story we don’t broadcast on the WWW.

So I came up with the concept of sharing some of the behind the post dramas. I call it FaKebook.

FaKebook is the version of the story that you want everyone to see or know and Real Life is the version of the same story that you don’t really share for whatever reason…

Here goes…

{FaKebook Version}

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MaryGrace’s first pool trip this year! The kids all had a blast!

 

{Real Life Version}

Ok, on to the story behind the FaKebook veil…

First of all… Did you notice that none of the kids are actually in the pool in these photos?
They were in and out, in and out, in and out the entire time!
And each time they came out there was a different need… I’m hungry, I’m thirsty, etc.
(Long, long gone are the days of reading by the pool while soaking up the sun.)

At least you can tell that the boys actually got in the water… MG on the other hand, do you see how dry she is?

She wanted nothing to do with the water. She spent most of the pool trip scaling the lounge chairs and stuffing her face.
(But isn’t the strawberry swim suit adorable? Pointless, but adorable nonetheless.)

Thank goodness I had some great friends there for extra patience help. Little miss was all over the place and there was some serious drama about rationing out the pretzels. (Boys and their food.)

About an hour and a half in to this exhausting experience MG got crabby… It was getting close to bed time so I didn’t think much of it. We just kept trying to distract her with food and keep her from plummeting off the lounge chair.

I picked her up at one point to give previous mentioned friend a break (I need them to come back with me again sometime) and woooeeee that girl was stanky!

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Let’s break this down for a quick second… I have four children and I have been doing this mothering thing for 10 years.
(I should have tenure as a professor of the following courses.)

Parenting 101 – A
Babies usually cry/get fussy for the following reasons:
Hungry (nope, she was stuffing her face the whole time)
Tired (must be, it’s getting late)
Dirty Diaper (maybe it was subconscious wishful thinking/ignorance)

Parenting 101 – B
When packing for the pool include the following items:
Flotation Devices
Snacks/Water
Sunscreen
Diapers AND Wipes

So there we were… All the other children (7 others to be exact) were having a great time, but Super Mom forgot to pack wipes.
I threw in a diaper and her pjs with the intention of counting the chlorine as a bath, feeding her at the pool, and dumping tucking her in bed when we got home.

I looked around the kiddie pool for a better prepared mother. Apparently they had all left at a more practical time in order to give a proper bath and feed their little one something better than a pool side pb&j. Ugh.

Desperation set in and I starting asking the remaining few ladies around the pool even though their kids were clearly beyond diapers.
SCORE! Someone had some, sure they were dried up and left in her bag from last season (or many seasons ago) but no worries… we were at a pool and there was plenty of chemically laced water to go around!

So I dipped those dried up suckers in the pool and handled that dirty diaper like a boss!

But then it hit me… In an attempt to better blend in here in Granola Land I had bought the kids reusable/washable swim diapers. They worked great (without a poop experience) last year…

Now I had a cloth diaper with a man sized poop (what have I been feeding her?) just marinating in it.

Side note… This particular cloth diaper doesn’t have any straps or tabs, just pull it up and pull it down (with the hope of minimal smearing).

Clearly there were some options…
a) Throw it away (in hindsight this was the best option)
b) Somehow get the poo out in the public bathroom (seemed to go against all my #SeatCoverObsession beliefs)
c) Take it home and handle it there

I went with option (c). Thankfully the scavengers had just finished the bag of pretzels I brought. So I shoved that man sized/poop filled/pink/sorry excuse of a swim diaper in the empty bag and continued on.

When we got home it was chaos (as usual) and I totally forgot about kept putting off the Stinky McNasty that was brewing in the pretzel bag until about 11pm.

But I knew it had to be done.
(I wasn’t going to give up now, I was committed to be a little crunchy.)

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This is one of the most disgusting things I have ever done as a mother.

Hats off to you cloth diapering mommas!
(I suppose you quickly learn that the longer it marinates the worse it gets.)

I was literally dry heaving. It was rancid.

Sorry Coloradans… we will be sticking to disposable/landfill polluting/bad for the environment/not so natural/definitely not organic swim diapers from this point forward.

Thanks for stopping by my little corner of the internet, I hope I didn’t gross you out too badly… if you can handle more of my crazy antics…click here and like my Facebook page… you know you don’t never miss an excuse to feel better about yourself at my expense..

I know your email box is sacred and you have worked ever so diligently to protect it like a mother bird protecting her young…  but I really think you should leave your email address in the subscribe bar.

I cross my heart I won’t abuse being including in your circle of trust… I won’t spam you, I won’t sell your information, I just don’t want you to miss a thing! 

 

 

 

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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3 thoughts on “FaKebook at the Pool

  1. LOL! I still empty diaper-filled baby poop in the toilet…better than dealing with stinky garbage cans until trash day. Guess it’s a throwback to cloth diaper days.

  2. Cloth diapered one out of three kids.. all the way up until I was doing exactly what you were doing only I can’t imagine doing it after 4-8 hrs of marination!! This to shall pass…….. 🙂