Bartending Prepared Me for Motherhood

I often feel like I am trapped at home with a bunch of small drunk people.

Then it dawned on me that maybe bartending my way through college was great prep work for parenting…?

Who would have thought?

There I was trying to pay for tuition, gas, and textbooks and little did I know I was giving myself a parenting class.

[I thought it was HUGE score to find a husband there but man… this is the gift that keeps on giving!]

Let’s break it down, now…

they fall down

they run into things

they cry for no apparent reason

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they have a one track mind

they only have one volume… loud!

they spontaneously vomit

they have “accidents”

they have a very hard time even if they make it to the bathroom

they spend a lot of time checking themselves out in the mirror

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they argue

they are mischievous

they think they are capable of driving a car

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they are a hazard to themselves

they are easily aggravated

you cannot reason with them

they sometimes get violent

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they struggle to master the stairs

they don’t really use complete sentences

words are slurred and jumbled

sometimes they use grunts in place of words

motor skills are minimal at best

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you have to tell them the same thing over and over

they pass out in random places

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they sleep in awkward/uncomfortable positions

they get ridiculously excited about food 

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they like to have a bottle in their hand

their mood changes at the drop of a pin

they tend to think some articles of clothing are optional

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they think it’s cute to wear other people’s accessories 

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they are shameless

they are always ready to fight

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or party

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or snuggle

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they can’t keep a secret (oh the stories I could tell)

it’s almost impossible to get a good shot of more than one of them at the same time

they throw a tantrum when you tell them it’s time to leave


 

As I venture through the day with my pseudo-inebriated-small-humans I can’t help but to giggle about the similarities between them and my former customers.

[Of course if you are one of my former customers… I am definitely not referring to you or that one time…]

 

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