I often feel like I am trapped at home with a bunch of small drunk people.
Then it dawned on me that maybe bartending my way through college was great prep work for parenting…?
Who would have thought?
There I was trying to pay for tuition, gas, and textbooks and little did I know I was giving myself a parenting class.
[I thought it was HUGE score to find a husband there but man… this is the gift that keeps on giving!]
Let’s break it down, now…
they fall down
they run into things
they cry for no apparent reason
they have a one track mind
they only have one volume… loud!
they spontaneously vomit
they have “accidents”
they have a very hard time even if they make it to the bathroom
they spend a lot of time checking themselves out in the mirror
they are mischievous
they think they are capable of driving a car
they are a hazard to themselves
they are easily aggravated
you cannot reason with them
they sometimes get violent
they struggle to master the stairs
they don’t really use complete sentences
words are slurred and jumbled
sometimes they use grunts in place of words
motor skills are minimal at best
you have to tell them the same thing over and over
they pass out in random places
they sleep in awkward/uncomfortable positions
they get ridiculously excited about food
they like to have a bottle in their hand
their mood changes at the drop of a pin
they tend to think some articles of clothing are optional
they think it’s cute to wear other people’s accessories
they are shameless
they are always ready to fight
they can’t keep a secret (oh the stories I could tell)
it’s almost impossible to get a good shot of more than one of them at the same time
they throw a tantrum when you tell them it’s time to leave
As I venture through the day with my pseudo-inebriated-small-humans I can’t help but to giggle about the similarities between them and my former customers.
[Of course if you are one of my former customers… I am definitely not referring to you or that one time…]
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