MOMentous Monday is a series of reader submissions. For these specific posts I turn the mic over to a fellow woman/momma and they share their personal story. Today I will be sharing my little space with a high school friend, Mackenzie. She is a wife and mother of 5!! Her vulnerability is beautiful and I know this story will touch many of you as she touches on the topics most of us prefer to gloss over.
This MOMentous Monday is a perfect example of connecting and relating with one another. You see, I know God called me to write this blog, share my story, and keep it real. But here is the problem… I have only had so many experiences and can only relate to a limited number of people with them.
However, I realized that I am surrounded by moms/women that have such beautiful stories and I want to use this space to bless you with the bravely shared stories of others.
There is something so beautiful in knowing that you are not alone and Mackenzie’s brave transparency is sure to take your breath away.
When Christen first approached me about writing a part of my story, I felt honored. But it wasn’t until I sat down to write, that I felt scared. I pushed it off for so long because the fear I had about being judged as a wife and mother. I prayed and prayed for the right words to say that might help others. So today I sit here, in hopes that what I share with you will touch someone in their journey with Christ and their marriage.
My husband and I met under not so normal circumstances. We were both patients at Virginia Baptist Hospital, Pathways Rehabilitation Center, for drug and alcohol abuse. We were young and without even thinking about the consequences of our actions, we fell in lust.
Over the next few years, there was complete chaos. I had our first child, I had our first miscarriage, Michael continued abusing drugs and alcohol landing him with a 90 day stay in jail, we were married and then the chaos only continued.
Somewhere during this time, we both found Christ. However, without really having good Christian guidance, it did not take long for us to fall back into our sinful ways. We lived years in this state of disgusted contentment with one another. We were married on paper, but what we had was the furthest thing from what Christ asks of us.
Before long, Michael went back to using and found himself back at that same hospital where we met. At this point, I had emotionally detached myself from him. I followed my lust, and while my husband was away, I found myself in the arms of another man. I kept my actions and sins locked deep inside, and tried to go back to my life.
It wasn’t long before I fell into such a deep depression that I had to take a leave of absence from work. Michael tried to reach out to me, but I lied to him and myself and said I was fine. I tried to fix my sadness by getting pregnant, but that only made it worse. As the pregnancy progressed, my hormones only intensified and the continuous fighting began.
I left with our 2 kids, 8 months pregnant and was living in the basement of my parents house, headed for divorce. During my time away, Michael was getting rides to work from a man who only listened to K-LOVE, the Christian music radio station, and Christ began to work on his heart. Three days before our third son was born, my neighbor, told my husband about my infidelity. At this point, he kept it from me, but it boiled inside him. He had recommitted his life to Christ, and was trying to work through the pain before coming to me.
I remember it vividly, it was Christmas Eve, 3 weeks after our sons birth, and Michael approached me. At this point, I had our divorce papers, and all we needed was to file. Michael looked at me and asked if I thought we could work it out, and I laughed in his face. It was then that he dropped the bomb on my heart, my secret was out, the darkness that had plagued my soul was finally in the open.
In spite of all I had done, he still wanted me. I just didn’t understand. He went on to explain how Christ had been working in his life and on his heart, and he wanted to take some responsibility for what brought me to my actions. I was speechless, how could this man still love me, want me, want to make a life with me, after what I had done?
The answer is simple, Christ.
On that day, we recommitted our lives, and our marriage to Jesus Christ. We began living for Him daily. We began praying with each other, for each other and our marriage has become something so strong and beautiful. We look back today, and remember what it took to get to where we are, and we agree we wouldn’t change it. We saw what God could do and are grateful everyday for his love and forgiveness.
My heart in doing this MOMentous thing is to bring greater compassion to the unique issues we each face, as well as diminishing the isolation we find while enduring our struggles. Momentous Monday may even give you the opportunity to glean some wisdom from the brave women who have already walked the path ahead of you. If you have a story you’d like to share, click here.